I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
