At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
