I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize