I cannot find my penis.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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