rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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