This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
