Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
