so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
