I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
