I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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