what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize