she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
