Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
