oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Alive.
So much puke
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sorry about my life...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
