bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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