Even the bartender felt bad for me
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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