I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
