Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize