dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
