I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
