when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
