so explain again why im purple
no
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
