I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
