So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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