There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
