come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
