He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You have to summon your inner elephant
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
