So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
