non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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