Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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