you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
