I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
