I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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