i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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