I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
