Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
