I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
