i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
