i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
