He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
