You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
