I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
