I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
