Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
