Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
