walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
