Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
