Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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