the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
