if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
