he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
