think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
