I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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