I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
