omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
