So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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