I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
