when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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