I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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