I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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