Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
