I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just want to make out with him forever
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize