bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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