I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Actions speak louder than pants.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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