he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
