he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
