In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
don't judge my taste in strippers
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
