Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
