I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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