Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
try to milk me bitch
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
