put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
