Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
