omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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