p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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