party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
