When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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