All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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