You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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