remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he fucked my hip out of place.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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