every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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