He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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