apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
