If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
