you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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