Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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