shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize