I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
