Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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