Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
