Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
