like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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