yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize