I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
