she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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