I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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