One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
