Im at strip club and am horny
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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