I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize