Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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