Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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