I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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