I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
