It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
